Monday, January 10, 2011

The Only Thing That Matters

I have to say I'm fairly proud of myself.
Like I said, I am not one who makes New Year's Resolutions because of my perfectionist personality unless I plan to keep them. So, I make up my mind about something during the year and usually stick with it. (I'm not talking house cleaning or less coffee or anything like that).

In spite of the whole family being well only 4 days since Christmas (I was the last to get it and to recover) before Nater Mater started the Puke Fest of 2011, I have managed to read my Bible EVERY DAY. And I mean REALLY READ. Not just the bathroom sit in there really quick, scan the pages, say "check!" and call it good for the day. I've either gotten up to read at 5:30 every morning (that I wasn't already up with a sick toddler) or before I've gone to bed every night I've read and journaled.
It hasn't been easy. The doctor told us Nathaniel's vomiting would last 24 hours and we're going on 4 days now. It's also running out the other end. (We're headed back in tomorrow to see if it might be something else because I can't even get my pricey vitamin and hydrating shakes to stay down him). That to say that before I've used lack of sleep for getting up early or the need for me time in the evening.
But I digress.
I've been so focused on all I've lost these past 2 1/2 years that I've become like one of my kids who really wants the Hershey's kiss on the top shelf when instead I've offered them a large candy bar. God often has to take something away in order to hand us something better. I'll be honest, I'm still not so sure what the better thing is yet and it may be awhile until I see it, but He does finally have my attention.
And I realized (AGAIN...I have a really thick skull) that it's the same thing I'm always striving for. Approval of other people. The same lesson that I'll think I have learned once (usually when my life is going smoothly) and then when something derails "my happiness" I realize just how much I hung my self-worth on another person or persons instead of God.
I keep jumping for the kiss (striving for more me time, some time away from being around my kids 24/7, time to see other people, wanting to have neighbors, wanting everyone to like me...see my need for people trend?) when really He's forced me into the blaring quiet and gently whispered, "come unto me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest."
Amy Carmichael (HERO!!) whom I tend to forget LEFT her friends and family to share Jesus with the lost and must have known loneliness wrote this devotional that I read a couple of days ago.
"Have you noticed that if you go to sleep with the thought of Him Whom your soul loveth, you waken---at least often is is so---with some little word from Him, a verse from His book, or a hymn, or just a simple word that tells you nothing new, but somehow helps.
The only thing that matters is to please Me," that was the word that woke me a few days ago, and it has not gone away. When the thought of the things that I cannot do comes and tries to trouble me, this little simple word comes at once. The other things seem to matter. I often think they do matter. But they are as though they did not matter in comparison with pleasing our Lord Jesus.
The word--that simple word--reminded me of those other words, "All that pleases is but for a moment. All that grieves is but for a moment. Only the eternal is important." Are any of you tried about anything? I think if you listen you will hear Him say, The only thing that matters is to please Me."
Yes, I need to time to myself and I still don't see it coming. Yes, God created us to be with other people and sick kids and a husband's erratic work schedule RARELY allow for that. But, I have to start learning to rest in Him in the quiet that He DOES give me (early morning and a few short minutes in the evening) and stop striving for what is out of reach right now.
And I'm proud to say I've stuck to my New Year's resolution EVERY DAY.

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