Monday, March 14, 2011

You Flushed What?

My dear Good Lookin' pulled a stunt yesterday that had me nearly on the floor in tears and laughter. Tears from the large plumbing bill and laughter from realizing just what a "boy" he was being.

He and his little pal J are nearly inseparable (except when they are angry and then they intentionally say things like, "you're not my best friend today, or I'm not sitting by you for lunch). I thought only girls did that, but apparently boys do too. Even at the age of 3 and 4, the fear of rejection is a powerful manipulation tool. But I digress.

Little J came running excitedly up our stairs to where I was changing his brother Little S's and Nater Mater's diapers. Those 2 seem to have the same eating and poop schedule. i can nearly set my clock that between 10 and 11am, I'm gonna be cleaning off someone's little keaster.

I had just plopped the second squirming and giggling toddler onto the floor with the other one excitedly squealing in his oh-so-cute and squeeky voice, "It's gonna be gwoss!" when Little J came a'runnin."

"It flushed Miss Linda! It flushed!!"

I quickly cleaned up toddler #2, slapped on a new diaper, showed him his poo (they always beg to see what gift they've deposited either in their diaper or in the toilet) and then pulled up his pants... all the while trying to process Little J's "It flushed!" statement.

I thought maybe he had used the toilet and had flushed his own little prize down the toilet. He had only been fully potty trained for about a month after all. Going poop in the potty is a big deal in this house. We do a full on potty dance for the little victor who has transitioned from diapers to underwear. Treats are pulled out! Songs are sung! After all, that is one less diaper I have to change. Doing their little duty in the toilet is a cause for real celebration!

But then again, I'm still helping both he and Good Lookin' with the whole bathroom clean-up process. So, I had to ask, "What flushed J? Did you go to the bathroom all by yourself?!"

"No!" was his excited reply. "The puppy flushed!"

Now thank goodness we don't have any real live puppies because at this point I might have passed out from sheer panic.

"Ummmm......hmmmmm what puppy? Do you mean poopy?" (they kinda' sound the same coming from an even-very-articulate 3-year-old.

"No, Miss Linda! The puppy!"

Now I am a little puzzled. I am pretty sure our yellow lab wouldn't allow herself to be stuffed in the toilet no matter how tasty toilet water looks. (and that bathroom had not been scrubbed in a couple of weeks because it's a full-time job keeping up with the other two in a house full of boys. Boys just don't aim well. You'd think they could hit a toilet, but if they at all lose focus, I have found pee gracing the walls, the sides of the tub and even up above the toilet).

I took the 2 giddy toddlers hands and asked Little J to show me what he meant.

He leads us down the stairs to the basement bathroom to where Good Lookin' is guiltily and gleefully jumping up and down and clapping his hands. Once again I was greeted by, "It flushed mommy! It flushed!"

This time i ask Good Lookin' what had flushed. He could hardly contain his excitement. "My puppy wanted to swim mommy! We helped him swim! We flushed him down the toilet!"

Now my concern was two-fold:

1. Did they really do that? I mean they are old enough to know better. Every one of my kids has gotten into trouble numerous times as toddlers for putting strange objects into the porcelain bowl, but Good Lookin' hadn't done anything in over 2 years that i could remember. I've confiscated and thrown out a number of toothbrushes from the other 3 toddlers in our home, but not from Good Lookin'.

I turned again to Little J, "did you two really do that?"


2. The toilet was clogged. I tried flushing it again. The water gurgled up and over the rim of the toilet onto the floor. Ugh.

Then it struck me how funny this whole thing was!

They were truly excited. Honestly and truly gleeful that they had given Good Lookin's little dog a swimming lesson and then helped him see what was down those pipes. I mean what child doesn't wonder where it all goes? They have given their little dog that chance and in one sense gotten to partake in his adventure.

I had a terrible time keeping a straight face as I marched the 2 up the stairs and to their respective time-out locations. I think I terrified them with my shaking voice (when I was trying desperately not to laugh) sternly telling them that under no circumstances where they to move from their spots and I was going in search of daddy who was home that day and working in the shop.

I mean, you'd never catch a little girl flushing her beloved stuffed animal or doll down a toilet to teach them to swim! Dolls and stuffed animals don't find a sense of adventure down the same pipe as poop when it comes to the female species.

No one was allowed to use the toilets for the rest of the day (of which all the male species of our house were delighted to grace the trees instead) and I was thanking my lucky stars I had not drunk that much coffee that morning.
Needless to say, the plumber had to be called, the toilet pulled up and the pipe snaked back through our basement wall.

The very disgusting puppy was rescued and promptly thrown away much to the horror of an older brother, and two little boys were very clearly instructed that the only thing that is ever flushed down the pipes is poop.


Wendy said...

We've been there, done that... but it's still so infuriating and hilarious! Boys! What one doesn't think of, another one will.
And your whole running commentary totally cracked me up. I understand the boys and lack of focus in bathroom comments. I *never* talk to one of my little boys when they are peeing. Never. The very first time I tried it, my oldest son turned to look at me and sprayed the ENTIRE bathroom with a blast of pee. Niiiiiiice.

Hope the bill wans't too high!! And I hope you wrote this down in baby books!

Kristen said...

I'm with you... that would be hard to keep a straight face when they were so pleased with themselves! ;)

I am with you on the aim. Andrew has AWFUL aim. I have to clean the bathroom multiple times in one week. I **thought** his aim had gotten better... I hadn't found it atop the toilet bowl in awhile. Apparently he has adjusted his aim... I just discovered our white shower curtain has been his target. Ugh. I have to remind him ALL the time - AIM! Little boys. He and Matt have always stood to pee, so we've had lots of puddles in the years of potty training little boys... Hopefully Bekah is much easier! ;)