Motherhood

I've been contemplating a lot lately on what it means to be a Mom, Mommy, Mother. I know Mother's Day is past, but here are a few thoughts that have been swirling around in my head.

I remember being a little girl and being asked by teachers and relatives what I wanted to be when I grew up. I can remember naming off things like pilot, nurse, doctor, actress, etc.....

Deep down inside though what I really wanted to be was a mommy. I wanted to have a mommy like mine. A mommy who would hold her children and rock them when they cried, wipe their tears when they were sad or hurt, listen to their latest story about friends or adventures or troubles. A mommy who is there.

I loved holding babies and begged to see and hold every new baby in church. I can remember making lists of names that I would call my children (none of which I have chosen). I wanted to brush my little girl's hair (my little girl hates that. Go figure). I wanted to sit and make mud pies or build a fort with my boys.

I remember lying in bed awake at night praying for God not to come back until I had gotten married and had children. I had tucked in the back of my mind that if I never did marry that I'd move to another country and work in an orphanage just so I'd get to do all those things and many more.

I remember giggling with my cousin late into the night (probably just 9 or 10 pm), talking about all the things we'd do as mommas.

Motherhood has been all that and more. I've not particularly enjoyed being pregnant. I get seriously ill and can't eat and lose a lot of weight. But, labor, delivery (well not labor), new mommy-hood and gazing at that wrinkly, pinched, squished and ugly little face is a beautiful experience I will miss now that we are done. Those little eyes that squint and blink up at you as they open for the first time and search for the voice they hear. The voice that is holding them.

I love the joy my children have at their latest discovery. Today it was another wandering turtle. Yesterday it was mud one of them could sit in and squish between his fingers and toes. It's the little girl who is learning to dance and the little boy who is learning that letters form words and is so excited to show me how to read. It's the "mommy, did you know dat?!" "Look at this!" Their little eyes seeing all that is around them to discover.

Mommy-hood is the sleepless nights when you just want to put the pillow over your head, but instead you stumble to the child crying in his crib and pick him up to wipe his nose and rock until he calms and sleeps. He won't be small much longer and I love to inhale he smell of my sleeping baby.

Mommy-hood is the counting to 20 (or maybe more) so that I don't injure the child who has thrown a tantrum for the thousandth time. It's the trying not to laugh or even smile when their naughtiness is really quite funny. It's firmness and consistency that I have a hard time applying to my own life.

Mommy-hood is the "can you speak a little louder? My children are laughing (or yelling) in the background." (It's another great excuse to get off the phone with sales people.

Mommy-hood is the runny nose rubbed on my just washed jeans or the sticky hug on the clean shirt. Today mommy-hood was letting the 2 little ones play with my hair to keep the occupied while waiting a long time for an appointment. I must have looked like the "It" when the Dr. walked into the room.

Mommy-hood is the tears I've cried when I've been at the end of my rope with what to do with a certain child or the tears from too little sleep.

Mommy-hood is the joy I felt when it clicked with a small boy that Jesus isn't just another bed-time story. The light-bulb moment when he declared awestruck, "you mean He IS real?!"

Mommy-hood is the sweetest of blessings when my child crawls into my lap and declares, "momma, you're my best friend."