Hands and Feet of Jesus

I am trying to figure out how in the world to write what I want to write and at the same time keep things confidential on the part of our new sweet little girl.
Honestly things change by the hour right now, so what I write may not even be entirely relevant tomorrow.
I'll start with two weeks ago. I had taken our sweet little girl to one of her first big Dr. appointments where I was hoping to get some more answers to the questions we had about her. Honestly, in the 3 weeks we had had her, we were becoming more and more puzzled with some things. It was during that routine appointment that she had "an episode" that resulted in a life flight to a Children's Hospital nearly 4 hours south of us. She had been fighting a little cold for close to a week and coughing a lot, but had been happy and alert and "talkative" the day before. 
Over the course of the next 48 hours, I met numerous Specialists, Nurses, Therapists and Case Workers who did their best to explain things to me. THEY knew her I found out. They knew her well and were very very concerned. Terms I had never heard before have now become familiar to Luke and I. I felt like an avalanche had just buried us and we was trying to sort through the rocky mess we were discovering.
BUT, something had also clearly and profoundly happened smack in the middle of this that left both Luke and I in a place of total, if not frazzled, trust that we were doing what God had asked us to do.
Many of you have asked in the last couple of weeks how my Vertigo is doing. God took care of that the day our little girl crashed on the Dr's table. I was not allowed to ride the helicopter and therefore had to follow it down in the car leaving late afternoon and not arriving until close to midnight. This was me driving alone, in the dark, through the mountains and on winding roads when I haven't more than driven to town and back. Soon after leaving my house and collecting my stuff, it became very apparent that my driving alone in the dark while still struggling with vertigo was not going to work. I began to pray. I have prayed for specific things before and some things have been clearly answered and many things have not. At least, not in the way I had asked for. This was different. For whatever reason God chose, the vertigo is GONE. It was gone the moment I asked while driving south to be with a little girl who was fighting for her life. Had I asked for it before? Yes. Had He answered it then? No. Is it gone now? Yes. His timing is perfect.
So what is happening now? I've had many people text, call, facebook, and e-mail asking how this sweet little girl who captures the heart of anyone who sees her is doing. How are we doing? How are the kids doing? Honestly, it is a very difficult question for me to legally answer. Sweet little girl would not normally have been placed in our home with what has since come to light. She will never live the normal length of life that other children live.
We have been asked if we want to step down as her foster parents. Both Luke and I know that they most likely won't find anyone else who will take her. Not at this point. We have also come to love her deeply. For whatever reason, God has placed her in our home. Is she aware? She is aware of love. She is aware of interaction. She smiles and squeals when you hold and talk to her. She laughs when you tickle her or when she knows she has once again ripped the oxygen tubing out of her nose when she isn't supposed to. She cries when she is scared or hurting. She "sings" along to music when it is played for her.
Our prayer, Our hope is that we can be a home that lavishes the love of Jesus onto a little girl who will soon be running and laughing and talking like the children around her. Only she will be laughing and talking in the arms of Jesus. We pray that our children will see it as a gift to give her some of the love she has lacked and to show her who Jesus is in their hands and feet. We pray that our children can see the Gospel lived out in front of them in their own home and that they will not experience trauma (not the same as sadness) but be able to be part of that very Gospel we try to teach them.
Does this scare me? Yes and no. The fear of what others think and judgment is more what I fear. That is more selfish. I believe God placed her with us, not as an accident, but for us to learn and our family to learn better what it is to be like Him.

Is this hard? It is the hardest decision we've made in a very very long time. It is not just Luke and I we have considered. We've taken into careful consideration each of our children. We've had to weigh in jobs, lifestyle, family time, relatives and our church. We don't know what it will look like.

For now, we take each day at a time and rely on His strength to carry us through.