Saturday, July 14, 2012

The "Black Woman"

So, this post may be politically incorrect, but what 3 year old understands what that means anyway.
You'll see what I mean after I share.
About a month ago while we were out playing in the yard, Nater Mater came to me sobbing. I couldn't understand him other than "Black woman get Abby!" before he buried his little face into my knees and tried climbing up the front of my skirt. He is a natural born Eeyore and I wasn't too concerned about his latest bout of tears, but I was a little confused.
"Did you say a black woman is getting Abby?"
"Yes!" came the wailing from my now slobbery shirt front.
"A black woman has Abby?"
Yes! She is going to bite her!"
This took a minute to decipher because he was crying so hysterically.
"You are saying a black woman is going to bite Abby?" (I just wanted to clarify mind you. Sometimes 3 year olds can be hard to understand even if he/she is your own child and I've been un-scrambling his speech for 2 years now.)
"What black woman honey? What do you mean a black woman is going to bite Abby? There is no black woman that we even know and they certainly don't bite."
We live in a predominately white and Hispanic community and I was trying to scramble as to how my 3 year old might have picked up on any prejudices. We only know a couple of people who are black and one of his favorite teachers at pre-K this Spring was an astonishingly tall, unfailingly polite, and sweet black teenager who greeted all the 3-5 year olds with a "Hello Mr. or Miss So-and So. How are you this morning." Nater Mater hadn't even seemed to notice his skin color...just the fact that he had to crain his neck back to look up at him. We'd even run into him at Walmart and Naters had happily given him a hug when the kid had extended his had for a "High-5." 
So I was a bit confused when he was so hysterical about a black woman biting Abby. The story just didn't add up
"Where is a black woman biting Abby?" (Abby was nowhere in sight mind you).
My next thought: was there a homeless person who had by chance found our little road (that not even GPS can manage to get right) and saw our house tucked back in the trees and decided to make camp in our shop? That seemed pretty far-fetched. I mean we have had escaped convicts in the area in the past couple of years and helicopters searching our woods for them, but I'm pretty sure none of them were black and none of them had ever stumbled upon our place. It had just created for an exciting day where I phone my friend a couple of miles down asking if her kids were as excited as mine about low-flying helicopters. Then of course my mind took a leap for the worse and thought that maybe there was an escaped convict that we didn't know about and they maybe were in our shop and how in the world was I going to get ahold of the handgun we own since I was too scared to use it. Would a 22 take a person out? I wasn't afraid to use that thing and the last time Luke had taken me shooting he had said I had been a decent shot.
I started walking towards the shop yelling for Abby with the other two boys in tow who were now convinced that a strange black woman was in the shop holding Abby prisoner. I was beginning to feel an utter failure in the diversity department and kept telling the boys that no one had taken up residence in our shop because no one can ever find our house if we haven't already led them to it!
We got to the shop just as Abby was coming out the side door with a feed scoop in her hand. Nater Mater sobbed all the louder and lurched for her nearly knocking the two of us over. She was just as confused as to what he was all hysterical for as I was.
We finally deciphered that he had seen Abigail go into the shop where just a few days ago I had killed a black widow spider when we had been getting food for the dogs. It is only the 2nd black widow I had seen since moving here and I wasn't that concerned. Abby had apparently been terrified and had regaled her brothers on how I had killed the venomous monster just before it had nearly bitten us. (Not so). The only thing that had gotten close to it was the 2x4 that I had smashed it with.
But she was convinced that we had nearly been bitten and had just escaped a ghastly death. Her brothers, in wide-eyed belief were totally taken the point that even now, a month after the whole incident, Nater Maters is still convinced that a "black woman" lives in the shop waiting to claim her next unsuspecting victim.

1 comment:

Wendy Thibault Kane said...

Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!!! That is HILARIOUS! I'm still laughing! I totally see how that could happen. Kind of reminds me of the year we went to Gulf Shores... I had let the girls watch "Shark Week" a couple of weeks before we left. In the car on the way down there, I was asked, "Mommy? Are there sharks on the beach?" I replied, "no, no. There are no sharks ON the beach." Whew. Saved by semantics.